I follow various “adoptive parent” groups on social media, for the simple reason that knowing someone is going through the same as you brings a tiny bit of comfort sometimes. A few times, I’ve read the following, which makes a lot of sense to me…

Granted, it glosses over quite a number of the things we experience on a daily basis that I don’t think a lot of parents experience. Believe me when I tell you that there is not a single tulip in sight when your children are physically and verbally violent towards you on a daily basis, or your seven year old tells you he wishes you could be “dead forever”. These are the things we don’t talk about though, not with ordinary people at least… it’s embarrassing, I’m ashamed that my children treat me this way, even though I know and understand their reasons.

I have always wanted children, for longer than I can remember. I wasn’t a girly girl growing up, I much preferred kicking a football or climbing trees, but even then, I always expected that one day I would have a family. And now I have that, it’s just nothing like I imagined.

I’m beginning to realise that I owe it to myself to grieve what I had hoped for. That doesn’t mean I don’t love what I have; there is nothing I wouldn’t do for my children, they are my first and last priority. But I think I’m allowed to feel sad sometimes that I’m in Holland, and that I’ll never get to visit Italy, and that my friends may well hear me talk about Holland, but they’ll never really understand what it’s like to be there. I’m lucky though, that a lot of my people want to know about Holland, and are willing to help me appreciate it by helping out, and listening to me, and caring about me when I don’t quite have the energy to care about myself for a little while.

I owe it to myself to feel my emotions, to allow them some time and space – we all do. To not be angry at myself or feel ungrateful just because I thought life would be different to how it is. And who knows, if I keep working hard and looking, one day I might find a cracking Italian restaurant in Holland…

1 thought on “Grief”

  1. What you must remember, and what us most important us that all parents go through these type of things. I did with mine, through no fault of my own. Whether in Holland or Italy, we all feel the pain, as parents, and only time will prove our unconditional love.

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